


Self-Determination

by Arsenic, arsenicarcher (Arsenic)



Series: 14 Valentines [32]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-05
Updated: 2012-02-05
Packaged: 2020-10-26 03:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20735387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arsenic/pseuds/Arsenic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arsenic/pseuds/arsenicarcher
Summary: Kate is starting over again, on her terms this time 'round.  Written for the Domestic Violence theme of 14v 2012.





	Self-Determination

Kate knew she could make whatever was left of the homestead in three days if she pushed, but she found herself dawdling without precisely understanding why. It was quiet without Maddy, which was new and uncomfortable, but not painful in the way she had been expecting. She missed her sister, but for the first time ever, she had space to think her own thoughts, nobody in the way of them or more important. It was terrifying, but liberating, too, and Kate was done with being scared.

She didn’t precisely wander—she knew the dangers of the trail, especially for a woman on her own—but she took half an hour one day just to put her feet in the stream of water she stopped at to refill her canteen. She watched as the cool ripples distorted the shape of her feet, pressed her toes into the dirt beneath and let the water wash them clean. For the first time ever, those thirty minutes were hers to do as she wished, nobody to drag her by her hair from the stream, to yell, to take _his_ time with _her._

She found a leaf on the bank and tucked it into her hair by way of temporary reminder. That evening, when she bedded down, it crunched a bit beneath the weight of her skull. Her dreams were full of the feel of cool breezes and still skies.

*

Kate wasn’t surprised to find the homestead a structure on its last legs and a field barely deserving of the name more than anything else. She was surprised not to be disappointed by the sight that greeted her, instead feeling the challenge of it, the sense she could make something of this brokedown place.

She rode to what was left of the house, mostly a shell at this point, no more than a third of the paint having stuck loyally to the wood beneath it. The barn was an even worse mess. She’d have to start there. No how would she stick her mount in the structure as it was now should the weather get nasty. At the very least, the roof on the house seemed overwhelmingly sound. The rest could be taken care of in bits and pieces.

There was a town about a half a day’s ride out. She’d have to ask for help on some of the structural repairs, she knew. For the moment she avoided thinking about the men she’d have to allow in what was now her space by going through the house and taking everything she couldn’t put to use—and a few things she could—that reminded her of her father and piling them on the grass out front.

When the sun went down, she started a fire and watched it all burn.

*

It took her three and a half days to fix what she could about the barn and the house, cleaning each from stem to stern. She ate what was left of her supplies for lunch and convinced herself she needed to go to town for provisions, if nothing else. She checked to make sure Maddy’s rifle was still attached to her saddle and tucked her own Colt into her holster. Then she reminded herself aloud, “Done with bein’ afraid, Katie,” and left the homestead in the background.

*

The town was about the same size as Four Corners, a main street and a couple of byways, not much else. She forced herself to smile and introduce herself when the owner of the dry goods store welcomed her, and when the greengrocer helped her to load up the horse.

At the town’s stables, she spoke to the owner who told her he could find her some help for the barn and the house. She still had some of the money from a few of Maddy’s bounties, so she was pretty sure she could keep herself fed and get the property fixed up before the winter hit. Whether or not she could make it through the winter would be a different question altogether, but she found she didn’t mind. As it turned out, she was more than willing to die if it meant getting to live on her own terms, if only for a bit.

*

The men who came to help were average size, bigger than her, no bigger than Pa or Dell, but both of them had been big enough. Then again, Buck had been bigger than either of them and he hadn’t felt the need to show his size through his fists, at least not on her. She told herself that every morning when they showed up, and she offered them water and maybe some breakfast.

They were kind, must’ve guessed she was just barely making it, since they always declined everything but the water, bringing their own food for the day. They were polite and hard-working, and if Kate caught the youngest one looking at her with sun in his eyes, well, he didn’t reach out and grab, or call her names, or do much of anything other than make her feel unattainable. It was…fun. If she encouraged him by smiling every once in a while, that was her decision to make, and hers alone.

*

Oddly enough, it was not until the night after the workers had set off for good, the house and stable determined patched and safe for the winter, that Kate awoke screaming. She could still hear the echo of her Pa despite the sound of her own voice, feel the burn of Dell’s palm across her cheek. She slipped from her bedroll and ventured outdoors, her bare feet vulnerable to any littered debris. If there was pain, she didn’t notice, traipsing toward the barn, the animal warmth of her mount.

He greeted her with a tired wicker and munched a bit at her hair. She said, “Good boy.”

Her heartbeat took its time in slowing, but it did. Her gaze caught on the tiny hayloft where she and Maddy had hidden time after time. She couldn’t fit there even if she tried, now.

She was careful of her feet on the way back to the house, careful of herself. She dragged a little bit of dirt onto the floors, but there was no one to scold her, shake her within an inch of her life for it. She smiled at the dirt, yawning. She’d clean it tomorrow…if she felt like it.


End file.
